Bad, Bad, Aiki Brown

by Chris Brogden

sung to the tune of 'bad, bad Leroy Brown'

Well, the [insert dojo here]
Is the baddest part of town
And if you go down there
You better just beware
Of a man called Aiki Brown

Now Aiki wanted mushin
Extends his ki about six foot four
All the Budo Babes call him koshi-lover
All the men just call him sir

And he's bad, bad, Aiki Brown
The baddest man in a long black gown
Badder than O'Sensei
And meaner than a new uke

Now Aiki, he a Shihan
And he like his fancy clothes
And he like to wear his hakama
And step on everybody's toes

He got a wicked shomen-uchi
And a tenchi-nage, too
He got a folded-up jo
In his pocket set to go
He got a tanto in his shoe


One Friday, after ikkajo
Aiki eatin' rice
And at the end of the bar
Sat an uke named Sukie
He said, "Ooh, that girl blend nice"

Well he grabbed her mune tori
And the trouble soon began
And Aiki Brown he learned a lesson 'bout messin'
With the wife of a new Shodan


Well the two men took to tenkan
And when they pulled them from the floor
Aiki looked like a jumbo pizza
With a couple of pieces gone