Scientific proof of climate and geographic superiority in Budo
Sponsored by Lighten-Up
The makers of sedatives for uptight Aikidoka
After reading so much of the well thought out dialoge by first and second year Aikido students (and some teachers who act like they are) regarding the proper way to study Aikido and the proper school to belong to, the social research lab at Middlelander University dedicated itself to indetifying the beat possible school of Aikido and what factors make it so. Giving the dialoge the weight and consideration it deserves we offer the following.
Our science project has taken us all over this country. As we stand here at the southernmost tip of Florida and look to the north across this great nation we view the wondrous variety of its people. We look to the left, and see the Left coast with all those strangely liberal people and their liberal ways. This is reflected in their Aikido, as it should be.
As we look to the right, we see the Right coast with all those bizarre conservative people and their conservative ways. In their Aikido you can see their conservativeness. They are reluctant to shift from convention and do strange things in new ways and call it Aikido, as do those liberal nuts on the Left coast. Those on the Left coast can not contain themselves with such absurd rigidity as those conservative quacks on the Right coast. They must reach out with their feelings and become Luke Skywalkerish in their thinking, as they strive to be Obi-Wan.
If we tilt our head just right we can view the heartland with those wonderful moderate folks. They occupy the Middle Land, and though we consider ourselves part of them we are being totally objective in this study. They are the most wonderful people in the world (a good looking and intelligent people too). Their middle ways and logical thinking are carried over into their Aikido.
Being moderate they can take from the strange Left and Bizarre Right those attributes deemed good and leave the rest. They can do this because they are from the middle land, a superior breed of people. It has nothing to do with religion, race, sex, ot sexual orientation. It has to do with geography. If a Left coast nut would establish residence in the middle land that person would soon lose their distorted method of thinking and acting and become a middlelander. The same applies to a Right coast conservative bizarreo. Their tendency to kill and maim like the badass Nikko and mighty Rambo would soon be lost amoung so many righteous people like the middle landers. The middlelanders organize under different names as do the strange and bizarre peoples. However, their is a collective middlelander thought shared by all groups. That is a knoweldge of superioroty over the Left and Right peoples.
The method of thinking is different between the middlelanders and the strange Left and bizarre Right. The middlelandes go with the old axiom that: I disagree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it. The bizarre Right says: I disagree with what you say and I will kill you if you say it again. The strange Left says: I disagree with what you say and I will kill myself if you say it again.
We think we are being extremely open minder in our evaluation of the Aikido population in this country. The logic of this rational has to do with geography and climate induced thought patterns. The strange Left coasters live much of their life outside. This is because the weather is so hospitable. With that much open sky and semi-clean air there is nothing to hold the mind inside. The thoughts drift out and open space drifts in (thus the term air-head). With so much free-radical Aikido thought floating in the air, held under layers of pollution, it is no wander there appears to be spontaneous births of Aikido Masters on the Left coast. We can find no other explanation for SENSEI who have no history of Aikido Study or identifiable teachers. Their Aikido Knowledge must have been gained through osmosis brought on by geography and climate.
On the other hand the bizarre Right coasters spend much of their time indoors. Without the freedom of the open spaces their thoughts are repressed inside during long cold winters and short hot summers. At the first sigh of provocation their pent up repression comes pouring out in the form of a devastating right cross to the jaw (thus the term radical right). The Right coast also has it's share of spontaneous SENSEIing of unsuspecting people. The geography and climate causes many days of isolation in dark cold dwellings where the osmosis takes place from the pages of books, magazines and the glitter of the VCR.
The middlelanders however (by the way did we mention we are part of them but are being totally openminded in this study) have a perfect balance between repression and liberation. Mild winters and warm summers provide a perfect balabce for nurturing a complete and nearly perfect human being (thus the term god like). The phenomenom of spontaneous SENSEIing does not take place in the Middle Land as there is always an opportunity to take at least one class and see at least one real sensei before becoming an Aikido master.
The strange and bizarre peoples hold us (them) in awe which is understandable now that we have showen beyond a doubt the scientific proof of geographic and climate induced superiority in budo.
I did not write this, this is not from me. Someone is using my name.
Dennis Hooker
Shindai Aikikai
Orlando Fl.
ASU